Saturday, March 11, 2006
A Tiresome Tale
Someone said it to me again. "You look tired." Yes, well, I just instructed a very grueling group cycling (spinning) class. "Oh no, you looked tired before class," this well-meaning person protested.
I absolutely hate that. What possible good does it do for me if you say that to me? If I am feeling tired, then it only validates my sluggish, weary attitude, and ensures that I will continue to feel that way, ie, I must be REALLY exhausted if other people look at me and come to that conclusion. So, no good comes out of that. The converse is even more insidious. If someone says I look tired and I'm not, which happens way too often to me, then suddenly I'm put on the defensive. I think to myself, "I look tired? Why? I don't feel tired...well, maybe I am tired. Or maybe I look bad. In what way do I look bad?" Then I begin to wonder if I have bags under my eyes, or if I'm having a bad hair day, or I'm just plain looking OLD. No good comes out of that.
Do these people really think they are showing concern? This is no way to help someone's mental outlook. Here's what I suggest. No matter how someone looks, well-intentioned friends should say something like, "Hey, how are you doing? You look great, nice, swell, chipper, feisty, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, energetic, fit, hardy, hale, salubrious--OK, maybe not salubrious, that may sound like a synonym for sick and tired. I'm not advocating that friends lie to other friends, but surely there is something one could say that conveys a positive image. Let's imagine the results.
If I'm feeling tired, and you tell me I look great, how do I then feel? More tired? No, of course not! I'm immediately somewhat refreshed and invigorated. I think to myself, "Perhaps I don't look as bad as I feel. Maybe I don't really feel that bad." My step lightens and a hint of a smile graces my face.
If I'm not feeling tired, and you tell me I look swell, I am grateful for the compliment, my step lightens and a broad smile graces my face, and I then compliment the next person I see.
The benefits of my plan are obvious: more happy people, fewer complainers, and a world with people who are smiling, even if they are exhausted. I encourage people everywhere to try it, because, in the long run, one thing I will always find tiresome is people saying I look tired!
I absolutely hate that. What possible good does it do for me if you say that to me? If I am feeling tired, then it only validates my sluggish, weary attitude, and ensures that I will continue to feel that way, ie, I must be REALLY exhausted if other people look at me and come to that conclusion. So, no good comes out of that. The converse is even more insidious. If someone says I look tired and I'm not, which happens way too often to me, then suddenly I'm put on the defensive. I think to myself, "I look tired? Why? I don't feel tired...well, maybe I am tired. Or maybe I look bad. In what way do I look bad?" Then I begin to wonder if I have bags under my eyes, or if I'm having a bad hair day, or I'm just plain looking OLD. No good comes out of that.
Do these people really think they are showing concern? This is no way to help someone's mental outlook. Here's what I suggest. No matter how someone looks, well-intentioned friends should say something like, "Hey, how are you doing? You look great, nice, swell, chipper, feisty, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, energetic, fit, hardy, hale, salubrious--OK, maybe not salubrious, that may sound like a synonym for sick and tired. I'm not advocating that friends lie to other friends, but surely there is something one could say that conveys a positive image. Let's imagine the results.
If I'm feeling tired, and you tell me I look great, how do I then feel? More tired? No, of course not! I'm immediately somewhat refreshed and invigorated. I think to myself, "Perhaps I don't look as bad as I feel. Maybe I don't really feel that bad." My step lightens and a hint of a smile graces my face.
If I'm not feeling tired, and you tell me I look swell, I am grateful for the compliment, my step lightens and a broad smile graces my face, and I then compliment the next person I see.
The benefits of my plan are obvious: more happy people, fewer complainers, and a world with people who are smiling, even if they are exhausted. I encourage people everywhere to try it, because, in the long run, one thing I will always find tiresome is people saying I look tired!
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I have said that to people lots of times, and it's been said to me lots of times! I will take your advice to heart, because although when I say it, I mean to be sympathetic, I know when I hear it, I think the same thoughts as you described! Thanks for the reminder!
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